25 January 2026

What is NLP and How Does It Change Sexual Performance?

You may have seen "NLP" (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) mentioned on my website. It sounds technical, but it is actually a very practical toolkit for changing how your brain processes thoughts and feelings.

But how does it help with something as physical as sex or intimacy?

The Software of the Mind

Think of your brain like a computer. Throughout your life, you have "downloaded" various programs based on your experiences.

Program A: "Intimacy is fun, connecting, and safe."
Program B: "I must perform perfectly, or I will be rejected."

If you are running Program B, your body will respond with anxiety, rapid heartbeat, and "shutdown." NLP allows us to look at the code of that program and rewrite it.

The "Anchor" Technique

One powerful NLP tool we use is called "Anchoring." Have you ever heard a specific song and instantly felt happy? That is an anchor. We can create these intentionally.

In a session, I guide you to access a state of profound confidence and relaxation (perhaps a memory of a time you felt totally at ease). We then "link" that feeling to a physical trigger, such as squeezing your thumb and forefinger together.

With practice, you can fire off this "confidence trigger" anytime you feel performance anxiety creeping in. It interrupts the panic signal and instantly floods your body with the chemicals of calm.

Rewiring for Pleasure

We can also use NLP to "scramble" old triggers. If a specific situation usually causes your stomach to tighten, we can change the way your brain encodes that image—making it smaller, dimmer, or distant—until it no longer affects you.

Rewire your responses.

Curious about how NLP can help you? Book a free discovery call to learn more.

Book a free discovery call with Paul Matthews (online via Google Meet).

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About the author

Paul Matthews is a Clinical Hypnotherapist specialising in PTSD/CPTSD, anxiety, and performance. With 20+ years’ frontline & clinical experience, Paul works online only across Ireland, the UK & Europe.