"Spectatoring": Why You Can't Perform When You Are Watching Yourself
One of the most common causes of Erectile Dysfunction (ED) and performance anxiety is a psychological phenomenon known as "Spectatoring." The term was coined by sex researchers Masters and Johnson, and it perfectly describes the mental trap that many men fall into.
What is Spectatoring?
Imagine you are trying to sleep, but you keep checking the clock and telling yourself, "I must sleep now." The more you watch yourself trying to sleep, the more awake you become.
The same happens with intimacy. Instead of being fully immersed in the sensation and connection with your partner, a part of your mind detaches. You become a critic on the sidelines, watching yourself and asking:
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"Is it going to happen?"
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"Am I losing it?"
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"What if I fail again?"
The Anxiety Loop
This internal chatter creates a feedback loop of anxiety. As soon as you start "checking," your brain releases adrenaline.
Adrenaline is a vasoconstrictor—it narrows blood vessels. This is the exact opposite of what you need for physical arousal. The more you worry about the erection, the physically harder it becomes to achieve one.
The Solution: Presence over Performance
You cannot "will" an erection to happen, just as you cannot "will" yourself to sneeze. It has to be an automatic response.
Through clinical hypnosis and NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) techniques, I help clients train their brains to turn off the "internal critic." We work on grounding you in physical sensation rather than mental observation. By learning to stay in the present moment, you allow your body’s autonomic system to take over and do what it naturally knows how to do.
Take back control.
Join me for a private, online session via Google Meet to learn how to silence the spectator.
Book a free discovery call with Paul Matthews (online via Google Meet).
Next Steps
20+ Years Experience | Fully Insured | Online Worldwide
About the author
Paul Matthews is a Clinical Hypnotherapist specialising in PTSD/CPTSD, anxiety, and performance. With 20+ years’ frontline & clinical experience, Paul works online only across Ireland, the UK & Europe.
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Based in Dublin, providing confidential online hypnotherapy worldwide via Google Meet.
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Clinical Hypnotherapist & Nutritional
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Therapist specialising in PTSD, anxiety, addictions, and medical hypnotherapy for pain & IBS.
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Mission: help 20,000 people reclaim calm, confidence, and control with structured, outcome-tracked programmes.
Paul Matthews Hypnotherapy
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